Hey there beautiful girl, you are so small inside. Tucked away from the world and so nobody else can see you there. Never making a sound and yet still managing to make your presence known throughout my older years. Not that I recognised what it was.
Your voice speaks a thousand words without uttering a single sound. An echo of its perfect child-like qualities and I wonder what it sounds like… I can only really imagine.
The recognition that I’ve not heard you all this time, failed to hear you all this time; haunts me. I disregarded you. Dismissed you and ignored your place as part of me in this life. When I think of you in hiding all of this time, was it me and my neglectful ignorance that chased you away? Did you go willingly or did you scream at me to stop and listen with your silent words spoken so loud?
If I allowed myself to remember, would I remember them too as I’ve dared remembered you now?
With truth in my heart I don’t know. It all seems an illusion anyhow, a dream of dark times and miserable moments. Neither really belonging to you or to I, as I stand here alone out of the respect for the loneliness you must always feel. Alone in the darkness of my soul. Sheltered from harm and dishonesty.
I see you now. I must, if I am to heal too.
And just like that the answer to the problem that’s avoided me all of these years, slams me in the face. You’ve hidden with distrust of me too. Distrust bought on through my own harmful misadventures. By hurting myself, I’ve managed to hurt you more and so you drifted away and to sleep. Never trusting me to play your saviour.
What can I say to that? I’m sorry doesn’t cut it… The discovery leaves me speechless and ashamed. I cry inside and my chest hurts with untold burdens as they forcible well up inside. Tearing at my heart, the ache indescribable.
I feel you now, hiding no more as you push yourself out with the pain. Ready to burst out into the world and see as I see, do as I do and be as I am trying to Be. Unconditionally authentic.
You stand, finally in your own light and I close my eyes, taking your hand in mine. Drawing you to the safety of my loving arms and I hold you tight. Tight to nurture and not confine. Those days are over I promise.
Your face turns up at me. So trusting. SO forgiving and as my fingers run through your long fair hair, I send a thousand rays of love to you. Your pale face and innocent smile lights my soul and although the pain in my chest still lingers, I know there is hope for us yet.
I feel how ready you are to trust me to keep you safe. As I look into you, you see me too and instinctively become aware of how much love I finally have to give. That’s all we’ve ever really needed and it took me until now to learn.
What a precious gift we have of ourselves now.